As I sit here on Christmas, a time that to most represents giving, joy, and connection, I wipe the tears from my eyes as I realize this is also a time of reflection. The approaching new year seems to intuitively bring that energy for me. As I have gotten more in tune with myself, the reflections start to come after allowing myself to process the entire years many lessons. This year has been particularly "hermitty" for me. I've spent a lot of time alone, doing the inner work that isn't always fun. I spent a lot less time going out, and a lot more of my time going with(in). I said "no" to a lot of things, I paused, I become more aware of my patterns than I ever have before.
Don't get me wrong, I still made new memories, put myself out there, and experienced joy every single day. I believe that I can experience joy amidst pain. I believe that it is a choice in the moment, and is most easily accessed through gratitude. So, even though this year was wildly challenging and uncomfortable (as growth tends to be,) I wouldn't have changed any part of it.
You know how people say that things happen in their own divine timing... Things happens when we are ready, and some things cannot be forced....well, this year has shown me that. The other day I saw a quote that stated, "The teacher appears when the student is ready, and the teacher disappears when the student is truly ready." That hit. I have experienced quite a bit of "loss" this year. I quote "loss" because I also believe there is no loss in divine mind. However, loss was experienced. I would even dare to say death was experienced, physical and symbolic. Things have died this year. Old patterns within me have died. I am at a point where I am dying and being reborn to myself daily. I'm not afraid of death anymore. Every time that I have died, I have found myself lying on the floor, in a pile of my own ashes- realizing after that it was my higher self that lit the match. I was handed the match and she lit it, igniting the flame that burned me to the ground, and from my ashes I rose again. Again and again and again. So, as I sit here on Christmas minutes after admitting to my stepmom that I was feeling sad as we sat by the fire on a particularly chilly SFL night, I am grateful to have allowed myself to experience that sadness without becoming it. AND, without judging myself for feeling it on the cheeriest day of the year. She held the space, and we witnessed the sadness, together. Through that sadness I was led to the most divine reflection of my growth this past year. With the old patterns coming up to the surface through certain "tests" (or rather God giving me the opportunity to see my growth and choose my alignment), everything pointed me back to my childhood. I acknowledged my evolution through this experience, and how I have broken a lot of these subconscious patterns this year. It was clear to the both of us that I am entering a new pattern/chapter of my life. My stepmom, Linda, held this container and held a mirror for me to see it, too. She said something at the end of our conversation that struck me. She was talking about the work that I do with myself and with "others," and said that it is being a "gifted healer" that has me continuing to move forward/persevere on this journey in health and grace. To me, the key word is "gifted." I feel it was a gift to me from God/the universe etc., to be able to do this work with myself and another being. That gift paved my path. It is the essence that keeps me going because it's essence is love. It is giving. It is pure. It is sacred to me, and I will continue to humble myself before it.
This whole experience, along with the Christmas holiday led me perfectly into discussing The Law of Giving.
If you have read the two previous posts that I have made on this blog, (thank you and I'm glad) (and if not, I'm still glad you're here now!!) you know that The Law of Giving, is our next Law we are going over. And what a perfect time to do so! The Law of Giving (and receiving) states that "the universe operates through dynamic exchange," and that "in reality, giving is the same as receiving because giving and receiving are different aspects of the flow of energy in the Universe." My conversation with Linda earlier was a perfect example of this law. You see, I was actually giving to her through receiving her love as she gave to me. I noticed that I almost didn't want to admit that I was feeling sad. I didn't want to bring her down, or whatever else I was making up/afraid of. However, I remembered, and quickly experienced, that the people we love, want to see us fully. They want to be included in our lives and experiences. Through me being willing to be seen, we both received. What she said to me about being a "gifted" healer also really demonstrated this law for me. The Law states that giving comes down to intention. "It is the intention behind your giving and receiving that is the most important thing..." not necessarily what you give, or how much. If you give from a place of expecting something in return, and it doesn't bring you joy through the experience of giving, this is not giving. Doing the work that I do is a freaking honor. It brings me so much Joy. Of course, I am a human, and I am not perfect at this law. But, I ground myself in its permeance. I would do this work even If it wasn't my career, yet it is and with that comes it's own set of boundaries and lessons with my energy- but it is the receiving IN the service that shows me it is in resonance with this dynamic flow/intention behind this Law. If I am not giving from a place where I know I am already full, and I believe I may "lose" something through giving, I remind myself this is not giving, therefor there is no energy behind it...and it will not be received. At this point, I check in with myself and know it may be time to make sure I am filling myself up/receiving within my life. Bring me to the last aspect of this law that I want to touch on, being a "gracious receiver." The book states that the more we receive, the more our ability to give will increase!! Give whatever you can and whatever is true. It can be a prayer, compliment, gift, cash, etc.
In this very spirited season of Giving, may this law support you in knowing what true giving is. May you graciously and gratefully receive. May you know in your heart that we are all worthy of experiencing this dynamic flow, and knowing that in our essential nature, we lack nothing. Whatever you may be experiencing during this season, may you feel abundant in love and worth, now and always.
"You are inherently affluent, no matter how much or how little money you have, because the source of all wealth is the field of pure potentiality- the consciousness that knows how to fulfill every need, including joy, love, laughter, peace, harmony and knowledge." - Deepak Chopra, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success.